==>=the walkway is unwinding.. i'll find a way to turn back=<==
rachel. pearl. rach. rachey. pearlash. che. chechers. whatever.
eldest. sister. daughter. friend. bestfriend. enemy.
seventeen. 091888.
Gracean. Benildean. BSBA-Human Resource Management.
introvert. critic. procrastinated. melancholic.
radical. opinionated. versatile. mysterious.
musically-inclined. singer. semi-dancer. frustrated guitarist.
theater girl. actress. antagonist. villain.
books over tv. radio (music/talks) rather than movies.
suffers from vertigo and migraine plus ulcer and hyperacidity.
black. red. pink. green. apple green. bronze. brown. orange. yellow.
ISCFer. lcdc2k2-2k3.
worshipper-daughter-believer-lover of Jesus.
"...looks could be deceiving."
"...try to see what's within.. you'll never know."
when everything goes weird.. *beware*
Friday, March 25, 2005
my life's goin insane.. grabe, i've been doing the "sleep-eat" routine this week. i've gained weight.. definitely! i could feel the essence of "boredomness" each and everyday. *sigh* my life's been somehow dull.. mainly because i've got no other stuff to do. the pc's at home really a crap. it's malfunctioning everytime i'm using it.. oh well.. but i still thank god that i'm alive. nyahah! i'm getting weird again.. labo.. tagal ko na naman di naka-blog. i've promised myself that i'm going to update it everytime.. but considering the fact na ngloloko ang magling na pc sa house.. wala na yung promise na yun. harhar..
although i find my day meaningless and dull, there's something that keeps me happy and contented in a way.. "late-night conversations with mr. gino louis afable." haha! grabe, we've just met sa prom nila.. well, actually, sa ym nag-start. pero look at us now. super friends! haha.. there's this something kasi that keeps the bond eh.. maybe because he's a good conversationalist. and that's what i'm looking for.. i love dealing with people who has this sensible personality. ang smart pa kausap. isa ka, gino, sa mga yon.. haha! kaya nga pati friendster account ko sha na yung nag-hhandle eh.. blahblah.. it's just bad that na-cut yung usap namen last night.. because of my mom. *shivers* -->> nahawa na ko sa expression mo, dude. basta ayun.. we've been talking a lot. dami ko nang alam about him and vice versa.. pero mas kilala nya yata ako.. because of my color psychology! grabe.. super astig, na-aanalyze nya ng mabuti yung personality ko through my 5 colors. weird noh? and scary rin.. pero true.. FYI, manghuhula kase sha.. kaya if gusto nyo magpahula, just contact this number.. 091********! j/k! hyperness, once again, is on the mood.. kaya pagpasensyahan nyo na. minsan nalang ulit maka-blog.
we're supposed to be in the province right now, but lazziness ruled the way. i'm in the mood sana na umalis kanina, but tinamad na ko. i want to see my relatives sana.. this is the only time na i could go out of town, super hectic na kase ng sched ko this summer.. tadtad ng rehearsals. walang vacation, actually..
joanne's now in laguna pala.. i've just read her blogsite. picture galore! grabe sa pictures nya.. pero di kayo magsasawa. shempre, beauty ba naman ng sis ko eh. that's our bonding session rin kase.. taking pictures of ourselves. vain ba? not really..
hans texted me a while ago.. i've missed that dude. he's with his relatives yata.. overpowered with a bunch of kids. haah! babysitter hans on the move..
so there.. till here na muna.. i'd better check other stuffs
thanks for patiently reading this whole thing.
weird, diba?
d:)
broke a leg at 4:03 PM
(3) applauded
out of my mind..
Sunday, March 13, 2005
for some reasons i couldn't help but insist my bestie jon to go to the netcafe.. to blog. aryt! we just came from church.. and as usual, we're waiting for our parents.. BOT again. fine.. i'm feeling quite broke, i slept at around 4am.. pondering upon stuffs that's bothering me. pathetic! insomnia's striking again.. sakit namen ni hans. harhar.. anyways, i've just reflected upon my worries last night.. i've realized how thankful i am to have my friends around me.. how much i treasure and value them.. especially my bestfriend.. joanne. =) we've been through a lot of trials.. but still, we remained as is. grabe, so thankful to God talaga. i might sound oversentimental, but that's what i'm feeling right now. i dunno what will happen to me once iwanan nila ako. my life wouldn't be complete without them.. haii.. i feel sabog talaga.. i'm out of my mind. oh no.. 5 minutes left?! waaaahhh.. i need to end this one na! i'll be back later..
broke a leg at 1:59 PM
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after almost half a year.. i'm back..
i couldn't help but turn back to my online friend.. i missed blogging for a long time. oh well.. it's almost 2am, and i'm still here, wide awake. i've been chatting with my friends all the while since 10pm. it's nice to hear a lot about their lives, experiences, and stuff.. i learn through it. i was just talking to my new friend, gino, a while ago regarding his anxieties and all. i also shared about my problems and worries to him and to few other friends of mine.. la lang.. i've just realized that God has been really faithful to me. eventhough i've lost a really close friend of mine (i guess), He provided another person that would satisfy me and eventually become my friend. =) reminiscing is all i've been through this day.. thinking about what experiences happened to me in my whole hs life. sad, but i have to face the reality of leaving the portals of GCHS. i'm a few step closer to the exit gates of my hs, but still reaching out for the windows that would be surely open for me to glance thru. i'm still worried about a lot of things. all these times, i thought that everything's doing fine in our class.. well, actually, that's what everyone's thinking. after all those bonding sessions, open forums, gimmicks, adventures we've had together, we all thought that our friendship would remain as is.. the "strong" one. but everything's seemed to change.. we're somehow divided into groups that would determine our stand in life, our personality. i couldn't blame myself if i chose not to get into those cut-class thing just to escape boredom in those grad practices and seminars.. though the exchange would be the fact that i'm going to miss the fun that my friends' would surely have. i admit, i've been through fun experiences with them.. and most of it weren't even known by my parents. i kept it for the sake of sticking around to my friends so we could hang out freely. every person has his/her own perspective and beliefs in life.. we have our own choices and all. and for me, i've finally chosen the path that is not that usually taken by travellers. the path which is slightly used by people.. that is usually taken by few travellers. though it's hard to face the fact that i'm slowly slipping away from my close friends, in a way.. it still brings a sigh of relief to think that i've finally chosen my right stand in life. i'm not saying this to blame and offend those people.. i'm just bringing up my side in here. i haven't told this to anyone yet.. it's up to you to read this one, and i hope you'll understand my point. if ever they would be wondering why i'm not always hanging around with them. oh well.. this is the reality of life. we have to make decisions that would affect people who are close to you. i can't help but say that i'm missing my friends badly.. i'm not saying that i'll be drifting away from them completely.. and i surely won't ever do. i'm sorry if i've somehow hurt your feelings.. well, at least i've explained my part. i hope you'll understand. oh well.. another thing is that i'm losing someone special.. special in a way that i've treated that person as my bestfriend. =( for some reasons, it was my fault. all those times, i'm being too self-centered.. all i do is stay away from him to get rid of my true feelings inside. yes, i've fallen for him.. unexpectedly, but yeah, i did. i was reflecting upon this feelings for some time before.. blaming myself to be so stupid enough to fall for someone that i shouldn't be falling for. i hated the fact that i'm falling for him. if i could just tie my heart and lock it just to seal my emotions.. but i couldn't. i felt so unfair.. i'm loving him secretly while all the time he's just expecting plain friendship from me. all i want is plain friendship, but look what i've got.. i couldn't blame him.. he's so much to become any girl's ideal man. smart, witty, sociable, good-looking (haha).. and many more. i've finally told him about this secret of me, after.. a secret that might spill out the water in the jars of our friendship. i'm not that sure on his reaction, but at least i've been honest til the end. it's up to him to react on it.. WELL, THIS FEELING IS JUST BEFORE, TAKE NOTE.. right now, i'm over that feeling, of that guilt that's striking in me. and i'm really happy about it. =) like what gino have told me last night when i've shared this prob.. we don't need love as an intimacy. God needed not an intimate realtionship with us to show how much he loves us. i definitely agree with that. thanks, dude! haaii.. but still, i'm longing for that friendship we used to have. i'm missing it badly.. for a time, he has been my faithful confidante, mentor, cheerer when i'm feeling down, spirit-lifter, and encourager. so much to ask for a friend. i'm so thankful to God that He has given me a friend like him. waaahh.. i really blame myself. but if ever God only gave him to me to be a lesson and mind-opener, i'll accept it. thanks, Lord. nice one! =) but you know that i would be happier if you'll bring back our past friendship. *whew* did i just told everything about it?! woah.. i couldn't believe i'm gonna spill it all out in here. well, at least, i've got relief.. less worries. once again.. thank you, Lord for the peaceful heart and mind you've given me. i love you, Lord God..
broke a leg at 3:12 AM
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